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Colons, Polyps and Cognisance
by zebra Saturday, Jul 21 2007, 12:27am
international / miscellaneous / commentary

George W Bush finally formalised his relationship with Cheney and acknowledged him as the true President prior to entering hospital for a colonoscopy. Doctors were surprised to discover that one of the polyps removed from Bush’s rectum turned out to be his brain. Surgeons were astonished to learn that a tiny polyp-sized brain could function in the human rectum – a fact that didn’t surprise the public!

While it is widely known that some politicians talk through their arses, Bush is the first known human to cognise with his colon – Iraq war strategies verify the fact. Further investigation of his cranial cavity revealed a huge rectal polyp where his brain should have been – another fact that failed to elicit a response from the public.

Cheney seamlessly alternated between roles as VP and President but required the use of a ventriloquist’s dummy to make a smooth transition – he hadn’t realised how accustomed he had become to his favourite dummy!

Meanwhile in Australia, Prime Minister Howard, a number of senior ministers and a high ranking public servant managed to evade criminal charges over their concerted effort to bolster Howard’s chances in the forthcoming national elections by victimising a foreigner. The fact that a sentient being was used as a political scapegoat, didn’t concern Australian conservatives – after all, the man is native to the Indian sub-continent!

The Australian people were also puzzled why polyp-sized colonic brains caused so much fuss in the USA – Australians have been using their arses to think and vote for the past eleven years. Prime Minister John Howard is evidence of that fact!